I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
