She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
