it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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