Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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