it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
