I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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