I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
