so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
