the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
