im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
