When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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