rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media