How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
