5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
