i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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