Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
