Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
