puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
