You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
