You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
