In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
