Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
