We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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