Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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