we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
