Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
