I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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