That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
