I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
