So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Less talking, more tequila
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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