And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
