I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's just like the Real World with babies
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
