How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sex in a hospital.. check
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
