She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
