I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
