the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
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at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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