sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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