I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
