Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
