if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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