I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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