I am in a vortex of obligation.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
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