she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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