so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
