I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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