we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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