When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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