i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
