i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
