I hate your face
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
