Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
