if only i could text you this smell
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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