my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
