dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
