one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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