I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
