You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
