your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
