I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
