Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
