Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
