somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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