I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
