I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
