I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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