I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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