I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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