How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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