Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
