We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
