There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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