I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
