Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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