It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
