i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
