i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
