...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
