I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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