6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
