You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
