I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
